Funksteena's Journals

Killing Time

I really don't want to kill time. Despite the fact that time isn't being kind. Like the sun. The sun, my old nemesis.

Is there some sort of prison for time killers?

Is anyone still out there?

I got a lamp today.

And some sunscreen.

Life is good.

Down down down

I'm so sick bubbies. You know those cold medicine commercials that make being sick look fun? Like their products actually work? LIEZ.

I don't know when I'll be better.

So just in case you wondered I'm not here. I'm sleeping, probably. I already slept all day. Now I'm off to sleep all night. After figure skating. Bai.

OMG LAWLZ THE FUNNEEZ.

For Paxie and all my LOLKITTEH BUDDEHS.

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary:
6:00 am - At last! I go pee! My favorite thing!
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
6:00 pm - They're home! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary:
Day 983 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

I don't care.

I don't care what Lindsay Lohan does. Or what Britney does or doesn't wear under her pants. Or who has gained five pounds or who is pregnant or who changed their hair or who spent millions of dollars on plastic surgery just to look like a freak so they can still feel sexy because their ego is all tied up in what I (or those people in line at the checkout at Wal-Mart) think of them, whether or not I'd do 'em.

I'm boycotting pop culture.

I don't care about the Oscars.

I am sorry that Heath Ledger is dead. I really liked him. Hub used to tease me by calling him Candybar Notebook.

But I think it's entirely possible that we put far too much weight on celebrity and fame these days. In the absense of national royalty or a unifying religious belief, we've substituted the superficial cult of personality for anything meaningful or substantial. And that's made us weak and superficial and mean.

Old news, old thoughts, old blah blah.

But still. I'm boycotting. Join me, or not. But no more US magazine for me, folks. What will I read at the gym? I don't know. I'll think of something.

I has a heart sore.

I'm going away for a bit. Just a weekend, prolly.

One too many snowflakes.

I've got nothin'.

sorry.

Everything's fine, it's all okay.

Don't worry.

Politics? Whaaaa?

As much as I like the idea of a female president, it does slightly disturb me that if Hillary wins the election, the country will have been under the obvious control of the same two families for twenty-four years. As it is now, we're just at twenty.

o_O

Dear Buzznet

Happy Holidays.

To everyone.

Every. One.

N00bsauce?

Is anyone else having trouble with google in all ways? Or Firefox? Am I alone in the universe? Interwebs? Hello?